Therapy for Adoptive Parents in El Dorado Hills, CA

Serving El Dorado Hills, Folsom, Cameron Park, Placerville, and the greater Sacramento area

Online sessions throughout California | Licensed CA LCSW #68507

Body-Based Trauma Support for Adoptive Parents

You've done everything right: completed the home study, attended all the trainings, and read every recommended book about adoption and attachment. But nobody told you about this part.

The part where you're lying awake at 3am replaying every parenting decision, where the depression that arrived after your child came home refuses to leave no matter how much you want it to, where that failed adoption from months ago still feels like an open wound, where your child's dysregulation triggers something visceral in your own body that you can't control.

You're functioning on the outside, showing up to work and school events, and posting happy family photos. But on the inside you're struggling with chest tightness that won't release, jaw pain from constant clenching, exhaustion that sleep doesn't touch, and an isolation that's getting worse because you can't explain your reality without either minimizing it or saying too much.

The Experience of El Dorado Hills Adoptive Parents 

  • The failed adoption changed you in ways you weren't prepared for.

    You spent months bonding with that baby, supporting the birth mother emotionally and financially, telling family and friends your good news, preparing your home and heart. Then she decided to parent, which was her right and which you respect on a logical level, but emotionally you're grieving a child who was never legally yours. El Dorado Hills friends keep suggesting you "try again" without understanding that the thought of risking this kind of heartbreak again feels impossible, even though you still want to be a parent.

  • Your child's behaviors trigger full trauma responses in your body.

    When they melt down, your nervous system goes into fight-or-flight with your heart racing, hands shaking, stomach churning like you're facing actual danger. You're hypervigilant in your own home, constantly scanning for early warning signs, unable to fully relax even during calm moments. Some days you know you love your child but can't feel it through the numbness. You're beginning to understand that witnessing their pain and dysregulation every day, absorbing it into your own nervous system, is creating trauma in you too.

  • Post-adoption depression showed up uninvited and won't leave.

    You expected gratitude, joy, that overwhelming love everyone talks about. Instead you woke up feeling hollow, went through caregiving motions while feeling disconnected, smiled for adoption photos while feeling nothing inside. Research shows 10-32% of adoptive parents experience this - mothers and fathers both - but admitting depression after getting what you wanted feels like betraying your child. The guilt about not feeling instant connection is crushing, and you worry that struggling this much means you made a terrible mistake.

  • Foster-to-adopt keeps reopening the grief.

    You showed up for every court-ordered visit, advocated for your foster child's best interests, loved them fully while trying to guard your heart. Then reunification happened, which was always the goal and which you genuinely wanted for that child, but the grief still overwhelms you and nobody seems to understand why you're not "past it" yet. You're caught between wanting what's best for them and mourning the family you thought you were building, and the idea of trying again with another placement feels unbearable.

  • Infertility grief came roaring back after your child arrived.

    You thought adoption would heal that wound, that becoming a parent would be enough. Instead the grief surfaces unexpectedly: when the pediatrician asks for family medical history you don't have, when strangers comment your child doesn't look like you, when you wonder late at night if biological children would be easier, when you see pregnancy announcements and feel that familiar ache. You feel guilty for these thoughts, like grieving what never was means you don't fully appreciate the child you have.

When Trauma Lives in Your Body, Not Just Your Mind

This isn't something you can manage with better time management or self-care routines. Your body is physically holding every loss, every traumatic moment, every day of hypervigilance.

You're having panic attacks in random places, your heart suddenly racing for no apparent reason. You lie awake at 3am replaying the day in detail, analyzing every mistake, spiraling into worst-case scenarios. You're snapping at your partner over small things because your nervous system is maxed out with zero capacity left.

You're avoiding other El Dorado Hills parents at school pickup because their complaints about homework feel like they're from another planet compared to what you deal with daily, and you don't know how to bridge that gap without making them uncomfortable. You can't post honestly in adoption groups without risking judgment. The support from your agency disappeared after finalization. Even family keeps asking "but isn't this what you wanted?" like wanting to be a parent should erase every hard part of how you became one.

The exhaustion runs deeper than just needing sleep. It's the bone-deep weariness of carrying multiple griefs at once: for the biological children you'll never have, for your child's birth family and their losses, for the imagined family life that doesn't match reality, for the version of yourself you're losing to constant crisis management.

Adoptive Parents Need Specialized Services

You may have already tried regular counseling. Your therapist was probably compassionate but kept offering parenting strategies when you needed trauma treatment for yourself. Or they focused entirely on your child's healing with no acknowledgment that you're struggling too, that loving a traumatized child can traumatize you.

Maybe they simply didn't understand adoption trauma, and you spent sessions educating them instead of getting help. Research shows 75% of adoptive parents rate their therapists as not adoption-competent - this gap is real and documented.

Here's what's happening: traditional talk therapy works well for processing thoughts and feelings, for understanding patterns and gaining insight. But when trauma lives in your body - when your heart races at certain triggers, when your chest stays perpetually tight, when grief feels physically heavy, when your nervous system is stuck in threat mode - you need approaches that work with your body and nervous system, not just your thoughts.

Body-Based Trauma Approaches for El Dorado Hills Adoptive Parents

  • IFS recognizes that you have different parts with competing needs, each trying to protect you. The part that loves your child fiercely, the part that's exhausted and wants to quit, the part grieving your imagined family, the part desperate to be perfect - instead of these parts creating internal war, they learn to work together. You can stop beating yourself up for having conflicting feelings, make decisions from internal alignment instead of constant turmoil, and respond to your child from your values instead of your triggers.

  • EMDR helps your brain file traumatic memories in the past where they belong instead of treating them like current threats. The moment the adoption fell through, the day your foster child left, the first time you felt nothing when your child said "I love you" - we process these memories so they stop hijacking your present. You can think about difficult moments without your body reacting like they're happening now, drive past significant places without your chest tightening, and look at photos from painful times without falling apart.

  • Brainspotting locates where trauma and grief are stored in your brain and nervous system, then helps release them without forcing you to relive every painful detail. You don't have to retell the story repeatedly to heal from it. You can process the failed adoption, the depression, the secondary trauma without retraumatizing yourself in therapy, getting relief without those emotionally draining talk therapy sessions.

  • ART can rapidly reduce trauma symptoms and intrusive thoughts, often providing significant relief in just a few sessions instead of months or years of traditional therapy. It's particularly effective for haunting mental images: seeing the birth mother walk away with the baby, replaying your child's worst meltdown, the look on the caseworker's face when they said your foster child was leaving. You can get meaningful relief faster, function better in daily life while continuing to heal, and not spend years in therapy just to reach a baseline of okay.

  • Somatic therapy works directly with your body's trauma responses. Those shoulders holding chronic tension, that chest carrying grief and anxiety, that stomach churning when the phone rings, that jaw clenched so tight it aches - we help your nervous system learn to regulate again. You can actually relax during quiet moments instead of staying braced for crisis, sleep through the night without jolting awake, breathe deeply without constant tightness, and be present with your child instead of just surviving their presence.

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What El Dorado Hills Adoptive Parents Experience Through This Work

  • Your nervous system learns to settle even when your child's doesn't. You develop tools to calm your fight-or-flight response when their behaviors trigger you, and your body remembers what safety feels like even during chaos. You can stay calmer during their meltdowns without escalating, handle bedtime routines with more patience, make parenting decisions from clarity instead of panic, sit through family dinners without racing anxiety, and actually enjoy playing with your child instead of just monitoring for problems.

  • The depression starts to lift gradually. The numbness gives way to feeling things again - both the hard emotions and the good ones you've been missing. You can laugh genuinely at your child's jokes, feel real affection when they hug you, reconnect with your partner intimately, look forward to weekend activities, feel excitement about milestones, and take family photos where your smile feels authentic instead of performed.

  • Shame loses its grip as you understand that struggling doesn't equal failing. Needing help doesn't mean you made the wrong choice. You can tell your partner when you need breaks, be honest with your therapist or close friends about the hard days, set boundaries with relatives who don't understand, advocate for your family's needs with schools and providers, and stop performing constant happiness on social media when that's not your reality.

  • Grief becomes something you can hold without drowning. Whether it's grief from infertility, failed adoptions, or the family life you imagined, you learn to honor these losses without being consumed. You can attend baby showers without falling apart, answer questions about adoption without defensive explanations, look at photos from difficult times without spiraling, fill out school forms with missing medical history without feeling broken, celebrate Mother's Day or Father's Day without feeling like an imposter, and be genuinely happy for pregnant friends.

  • You sleep through the night and wake with energy. Your body releases constant vigilance, and 3am anxiety spirals happen less frequently. You can fall asleep without replaying every mistake, wake up without dread, have energy for exercise or friendships, focus during work meetings, remember things without writing everything down, and handle bedtime routines with genuine patience instead of just counting down minutes.

  • You reconnect with who you were before trauma took over. Underneath the exhaustion and crisis management, you rediscover yourself. You can pick up hobbies you abandoned, have conversations about topics beyond your child's struggles, make career decisions that excite you, plan trips without paralyzing guilt, say yes to social invitations, pursue your own interests, and remember what brings you joy beyond just getting through each day.

  • Your capacity expands naturally through healing. When your nervous system isn't constantly activated, when depression isn't draining your energy, when shame isn't weighing everything down, you simply have more to give. You can show up for therapy appointments and IEP meetings without resentment, attend support groups without defensiveness, reconnect with your partner emotionally and physically, return calls and texts from friends, host people at your house, and be present during daily routines without constantly checking your phone to escape.

Virtual Therapy in El Dorado Hills and Throughout California

I provide secure telehealth sessions for adoptive parents across California, including throughout El Dorado Hills and the greater Sacramento area. You can meet with me from your home, your car during lunch, or any private space with internet; no commute added to your schedule.

Session options:

  • 50-minute sessions: $300

  • 90-minute sessions: $450

  • 4-hour intensives: $1,200

I offer flexible scheduling including early mornings, evenings, and weekends.

I'm a private-pay provider and don't take insurance directly. I can provide documentation (Superbills) for out-of-network reimbursement if your insurance plan offers it.

Self-Schedule or Contact Here

About Summer Verhines, LCSW, Adoption Therapist

I work with adoptive parents throughout El Dorado Hills and the Sacramento area because I understand that adoption doesn't just affect your child, it profoundly impacts you too.

I've been licensed to independently practice in California since 2015 (CA LCSW #68507). I have 9 years of experience in child welfare and adoption and I am C.A.S.E. registered (Center for Adoption Support and Education) through completing training with the National Adoption Competency Mental Health Training Initiative (NTI).

I specialize in supporting adoptive parents through their own mental health challenges: post-adoption depression, secondary trauma, and the grief and burnout that comes with this journey.

Using specialized trauma approaches, I help you heal from failed adoptions, process your own trauma responses, and find sustainable ways to manage ongoing stress without losing yourself in the process.

FAQs

  • All sessions are conducted online through secure telehealth. You can meet with me from anywhere in California - your home, office, or even your car if that's the only private space available. For El Dorado Hills parents juggling work, therapy appointments, school meetings, and everything else, virtual sessions eliminate commute time and maximize scheduling flexibility.

  • Traditional talk therapy helps you understand thoughts and process feelings, which has value but often isn't enough when trauma is stored in your body. The specialized approaches I use - EMDR, Brainspotting, Accelerated Resolution Therapy, Internal Family Systems, and Somatic therapy - work directly with your nervous system to release trauma at a deeper level. These aren't just coping strategies; they help your brain and body actually process and resolve traumatic experiences so they stop controlling your present. Many adoptive parents find that years of traditional therapy helped them understand their struggles without actually relieving them - body-based trauma work creates the real change.

  • It depends on what you're working on and which approaches we use. Accelerated Resolution Therapy is designed for focused short-term work - many parents experience significant relief within 3-5 sessions when addressing specific traumatic memories like a failed adoption or placement disruption. Others work with me for several months to process multiple layers of adoption trauma: infertility grief, failed placements, post-adoption depression, secondary trauma from their child's behaviors. Traditional cognitive-behavioral therapy often takes years to see meaningful change - these body-based methods are significantly more efficient. We'll discuss your specific goals in our first session and create a realistic timeline.

  • Absolutely. I work with adoptive parents at every stage: waiting to be matched, supporting a birth mother through pregnancy, recovering from a failed placement, navigating foster-to-adopt uncertainty, newly home with your child, or years into parenting. Your struggles are valid regardless of where you are in the process - you don't need to wait for finalization to get support.

  • I'm a private-pay provider because it allows me to focus on what actually helps you heal rather than what insurance companies reimburse, which is often limited to approaches that don't work well for adoption trauma. However, I can provide detailed Superbills for out-of-network reimbursement if your insurance plan offers that benefit. Many adoptive parents find that investing in specialized trauma therapy saves them years of ineffective but insurance-covered talk therapy that doesn't address root issues.

Work With Someone Who Understands Adoption Trauma

You don't have to keep carrying this alone. You need someone with real experience in child welfare and adoption who understands the specific trauma of this journey; not generic listening, but expert help for what you're going through.

Let's talk about how trauma therapy can help you heal while you continue loving your child.

Contact Me

Please complete this form and I’ll be back in touch via email, text, or phone within 1-2 business days.

Call or Text

855-564-3338

Email

sverhines.lcsw@gmail.com

Mailing Address

P.O. Box 28, Wilton, CA 95693
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