Therapy for Adoptive Parents
Body-based therapy for long-term healing
Online throughout all of California & Idaho
You’ve always wanted to be a parent...
You tried to have kids of your own, but that didn’t work out, or…
You have children of your own but also want to provide a safe and loving home for a child who needs one, or…
You chose not to have children of your own because there are so many kids out there already who need a loving family.
The bottom line: you read all the books and blogs, listened to all the podcasts, and watched all the YouTube videos about adopting, but nothing quite prepared you for this.
You didn’t realize the adoption process would be this hard, this invasive, this uncertain.
What is your adoption situation?
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01. Private Adoption
You spent so much time helping to support the bio mom you connected with: going with her to doctor appointments and paying her living expenses. You bonded with both the baby and with bio mom. You were prepared to have an open adoption and to include bio mom in your life.
But your heart wasn’t ready for this roller coaster of emotions. Your heart wasn’t ready for things to take a sharp left turn.
Even though you knew “failed” adoptions happen, you didn’t expect to fall so in love with your baby, just to have bio mom to decide to parent and completely cut off contact with you.
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02. Adoption Through Foster Care
You went through all the hoops to get approved to adopt the child you were fostering. You bend over backwards to get your child to their court-ordered visits with their parents and really want what’s best for them. But you weren’t ready for the grief that came when they returned home with their bio parents.
You’re not sure you can bring yourself to try again… to go through this again. You’re still grieving the loss. The risk to your heart is too much. But you want to be a parent so bad. It’s all you’ve ever wanted.
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03. Post-Adoption
The adoption process was hard, long, and expensive.
You wanted to provide a child with a safe, loving home. You knew when you got into the adoption process through foster care that your child would come from a hard place. They could have been neglected, physically and/or sexually abused, and/or exposed to drugs and alcohol in utero.
So you did the research. You joined Facebook support groups. But things haven’t gone how you planned. Some days you’re going through the motions of caregiving, but emotionally you feel numb. You love your child, you know you do, but sometimes you can’t actually feel it.
Your child’s behaviors trigger something primal in you. Your body goes into fight-or-flight mode during their meltdowns. You’re walking on eggshells in your own home, never knowing what might set off the next crisis.
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04. Post-Adoption Depression
You thought the hard part would be over once your child was home. But instead of joy, you’re deeply sad in a way you can't explain. Everyone expects you to be grateful and happy; you "got what you wanted," after all.
But you wake up each morning with dread instead of excitement. You're going through the motions, smiling for the photos, but inside you feel empty.
The guilt about not feeling instant love is crushing. You're terrified that admitting you're struggling might mean you're not meant to be this child's parent. (This affects 10-32% of adoptive parents, both mothers AND fathers. You're not alone.)
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05. The Grief that Adoption Doesn't Cure
If you adopted after infertility, you might have thought bringing your child home would heal that wound. But the grief about the biological child you'll never have keeps surfacing at unexpected moments: during doctor visits when there's no family medical history to share, at school events when someone comments your child doesn't look like you, during your child's tantrums when you wonder if things would be different with a biological child.
You feel guilty for these thoughts. Like you're betraying your child by grieving what never was.
The weight of your adoption experience settles into your body...
You might find yourself crying in your car after dropping your child off at school, finally able to release what you've been holding all morning. Or lying in bed at 3am, your chest tight with anxiety, replaying every interaction and wondering if you're helping or making things worse.
Your body has become a constant alarm system. Your shoulders are locked up near your ears. Your jaw aches from clenching. Your stomach churns with a mix of anxiety and sadness that never quite goes away. Even in calm moments, you're waiting for the other shoe to drop.
The exhaustion goes deeper than just needing sleep. It's bone-deep weariness from carrying trauma: both your child's and now your own. It's the weight of destroyed expectations, of grieving the family life you imagined, of loving a child whose pain you can't fix.
You've started avoiding other parents because their complaints about homework battles or picky eating feel like they're from another planet. When they ask "how's it going?" you don't know how to answer without either lying or oversharing. The isolation makes everything worse.
And underneath it all, shame whispers its poison: that you're failing, that other adoptive parents handle this better, that your struggles mean you shouldn't have adopted, that feeling this depleted means you don't love your child enough.
And you’ve looked in all the usual places for help...
Facebook support groups: You went looking for solidarity but found judgment. You've seen other parents torn apart for admitting they're struggling. Now you're afraid to even post.
Books from experts: You've read them all, but they focus on your child's healing, not yours. Where's the book about how to survive when helping your child heal is breaking you down?
Previous therapists: They meant well, but they didn't get it. They gave you generic parenting advice or worse, suggested your expectations were too high. You spent sessions educating them about adoption trauma instead of getting help. (Research shows 75% of adoptive parents rate their therapists as not adoption-competent.)
The adoption agency: They're overwhelmed and understaffed. Once the adoption was final, the support disappeared. You're on your own now.
You need support that understands YOUR experience, not just your child’s.
The truth is, you're not looking for parenting advice. You're looking for someone who understands that loving a traumatized child can traumatize you, too. And that witnessing your child's pain, day after day, leaves marks on your own nervous system.
You need someone who gets that:
Post-adoption depression is real, and has nothing to do with how much you love your child
Your body is having trauma responses to your child's behaviors
Grief and love can coexist: grieving what you imagined doesn't diminish your commitment to what is
The system failures and lack of support are part of your trauma too
Healing yourself is essential for your family's survival
What changes you can expect to experience when we work together:
Your nervous system will learn to settle again. You'll develop tools to calm your fight-or-flight response when your child's behaviors trigger you. Your body will remember what safety feels like, even in the midst of chaos.
You'll process the grief without drowning in it. Whether it's grief from failed adoptions, infertility, or the family life you imagined, you'll learn to honor these losses without being consumed by them. The waves will still come, but they won't pull you under.
The depression will lift, slowly but surely. You'll have more moments where you can access joy alongside the challenges. The numbness will give way to feeling again: both the hard feelings and the good ones.
You'll develop a sustainable way to manage the ongoing stress. This isn't about making the challenges disappear, but about building resilience and recovery practices that help you bounce back faster when things are hard.
The shame will lose its grip. You'll understand that struggling doesn't mean you’re failing, and that needing help doesn't mean you’ve made the wrong choice by adopting.
You'll feel less alone. Through our work, you'll understand that many adoptive parents walk this path. Your struggles aren't evidence of personal failure but normal responses to abnormal stress.
You'll reconnect with yourself. Underneath the exhaustion and overwhelm, you'll rediscover the person you were before trauma took over. The person who is more than just a crisis manager.
Your capacity will expand. Not through pushing harder, but through healing. When your nervous system isn't constantly activated, when depression isn't draining your energy, when shame isn't weighing you down, you'll have more to give, to your child and to yourself.
How I Help Adoptive Parents Get Their Lives Back While Loving Their Children…
When you're carrying failed adoptions, depression, secondary trauma, and grief in your body, traditional talk therapy often isn't enough. You need approaches that work with your nervous system, not just your thoughts.
Internal Family Systems (IFS)/Parts Work recognizes that you have different parts of yourself with competing needs. There's the part desperate to be a good parent, the part that's exhausted and wants to give up, the part grieving your imagined family, and the part that loves your child fiercely. Instead of these parts creating internal war, IFS helps them work together with compassion.
Brainspotting locates where trauma and grief are stored in your brain and helps release them without having to relive every detail. That failed adoption, the day your foster child left, the first time you felt nothing when your child said "I love you", we can process these without retraumatizing you.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps your brain file traumatic experiences where they belong: in the past. The memories won't disappear, but they'll stop hijacking your present. You'll be able to think about difficult moments without your body reacting like they're happening right now.
Somatic Therapy works directly with your body's trauma responses. Your shoulders holding the weight of hypervigilance. Your chest carrying grief. Your stomach churning with anxiety. We'll help your nervous system learn to regulate again, to find calm even in the storm.
Accelerated Resolution Therapy can rapidly reduce trauma symptoms, often in fewer sessions than traditional therapy. It's particularly effective for the intrusive thoughts and images that plague many adoptive parents.
Let’s get started.
About SummerLicensed since 2015, I understand that adoption doesn't just affect your child, it profoundly impacts you.
I specialize in supporting adoptive parents through their own mental health challenges: post-adoption depression, secondary trauma, the grief and burnout that comes with this journey.
Using specialized approaches like EMDR, Brainspotting, ART, and Parts Work (IFS), I help you heal from failed adoptions, process your own trauma responses, and find sustainable ways to manage the ongoing stress of your journey.
Telehealth sessions available throughout California and Idaho, with flexible scheduling including early mornings, evenings, and weekends.
Contact Summersverhines.lcsw@gmail.com
(855) 564-3338
P.O. Box 28
Wilton, CA 95693
FAQs for Adoptive Parents
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I use trauma-focused modalities that work directly with your nervous system and body, not just your thoughts. This includes EMDR, Brainspotting, Somatic Experiencing, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), and Cognitive Processing Therapy. These approaches help you heal adoption-related trauma at a deeper level, which is especially important when your body has been through the stress of the adoption process and is now responding to your child’s dysregulation.
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No. I work with adoptive parents at every stage, whether you're in the middle of the adoption process, newly home with your child, years into parenting, or even reconsidering your placement.
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I work with individuals, though your partner is welcome to attend sessions with you, if we have previously discussed it together. This isn't couples therapy, however; the focus remains on your healing and your experience as an adoptive parent.
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That’s something we will explore and process together. You don’t have to have all the answers right now.
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No. This time is for you.
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Absolutely. You deserve to take care of you. Your nervous system is reacting to your child’s nervous system. It’s not only okay to seek help for yourself… it’s essential to your own well-being and could positively impact your relationship with your child and the rest of your family.
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It depends on what you're looking for and which approach we use. Some of the modalities I offer, particularly Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), are designed to be short-term, and clients working on specific traumatic memories may feel significant relief within just a few weeks. Other clients prefer to incorporate more talk therapy or work through multiple layers of adoption-related trauma, and they typically work with me for several months. We’ll discuss your goals in our first session and create a timeline that makes sense for what you need.
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Session Options:
50-minute sessions: $300
90-minute sessions: $450
4-hour intensives: $1,200
I'm a private-pay provider and don’t take insurance directly. I can provide documentation for out-of-network reimbursement (also known as a Superbill) if your insurance plan offers it.
All sessions are conducted via secure telehealth. You can meet with me from anywhere in California or Idaho.
I offer flexible scheduling: early mornings, evenings, and weekends.