Online throughout all of California

Therapy for Adoptive Parents

You’ve always wanted to be a parent...

  • You tried to have kids of your own, but that didn’t work out, or…

  • You have children of your own but also want to provide a safe and loving home for a child who needs one, or…

  • You chose not to have children of your own because there are so many kids out there already who need a loving family.

The bottom line: you read all the books and blogs, listened to all the podcasts, and watched all the YouTube videos about adopting, but nothing quite prepared you for this.

You didn’t realize the adoption process would be this hard, this invasive, this uncertain.

What is your adoption situation?

  • 01. Private Adoption

    You spent so much time helping to support the bio mom you connected with: going with her to doctor appointments and paying her living expenses. You bonded with both the baby and with bio mom. You were prepared to have an open adoption and to include bio mom in your life.

    But your heart wasn’t ready for this roller coaster of emotions. Your heart wasn’t ready for things to take a sharp left turn.

    Even though you knew “failed” adoptions happen, you didn’t expect to fall so in love with your baby, just to have bio mom to decide to parent and completely cut off contact with you.

  • 02. Adoption Through Foster Care

    You went through all the hoops to get approved to adopt the child you were fostering. You bend over backwards to get your child to their court-ordered visits with their parents and really want what’s best for them. But you weren’t ready for the grief that came when they returned home with their bio parents.

    You’re not sure you can bring yourself to try again… to go through this again. You’re still grieving the loss. The risk to your heart is too much. But you want to be a parent so bad. It’s all you’ve ever wanted.

  • 03. Post-Adoption

    The adoption process was hard, long, and expensive.

    You wanted to provide a child with a safe, loving home. You knew when you got into the adoption process through foster care that your child would come from a hard place. They could have been neglected, physically and/or sexually abused, and/or exposed to drugs and alcohol in utero.

    So you did the research. You joined Facebook support groups. But things haven’t gone how you planned. The bonding hasn’t happened like you thought it would.

    You feel disconnected, ambivalent. You feel like your child isn’t attached to you. They’re starting to have trouble in school. They’re having behavioral issues. You’re tired, scared, and you feel alone.

The weight of your adoption experience settles into your body...

You might find yourself crying in your car after dropping your child off at school, or lying in bed at night with your mind racing through everything that went wrong that day.

Your sadness feels bottomless sometimes, not just for what didn’t work out, but for the innocent hope you started with.

The fear creeps in during quiet moments. What if you can't handle this? What if your child never feels safe with you? What if you've made a terrible mistake? Your body stays on high alert, muscles tense, always waiting for the next crisis or disappointment.

You feel cut off from other parents who seem to navigate their families with ease. Their complaints about bedtime battles or picky eating feel trivial compared to what you're facing. You stop sharing your real struggles because the blank stares or well-meaning but unhelpful advice leave you feeling even more alone.

The exhaustion goes deeper than just needing sleep. It's bone-deep weariness from constantly second-guessing yourself, from managing complex behaviors, from carrying grief you can't fully explain.

And underneath it all, a quiet voice whispers what you're most afraid of: that maybe you're not cut out for this, that other adoptive parents seem to handle things better, that your child deserves someone who is more equipped. The guilt about having these thoughts only makes everything heavier.

And you’ve looked in all the usual places for help...

Facebook support groups: you’ve found that people on these forums can be so mean and judgmental. You've seen the responses to posts from other people, and you don't want to subject yourself to the ridicule you've seen others experience.

Books from experts: you read all the books before you started the journey, but reality is different. You need someone who understands you and your specific situation.

The adoption agency: They're there, but they don’t have any answers for you. There's a high turnover with the case managers and you feel like they just don't have the time or resources to support you.

You need support that actually understands what you’re going through.

The truth is, generic parenting advice wasn't built for what you're experiencing. Well-meaning suggestions from people who’ve never walked this path can leave you feeling more alone than before. You need someone who gets it without you having to explain or justify your experience.

Because here's what most people don't understand…

You need a therapist with specialized training in adoptive parent trauma…

You don’t need another person telling you to practice self-care or try harder. You need someone with specific expertise in how the adoption process affects your nervous system: the trauma of hoping, losing, hoping again, and navigating a system that can feel designed to break you down before building you up.

You need therapeutic approaches that don’t require you to have the perfect words for experiences that feel impossible to explain. You need healing that reaches the places where your body holds the weight of failed placements, fears, and the complex grief that comes with loving a child whose early story includes pain you couldn’t prevent.

You need someone trained in working with adoption trauma who understands that healing isn't just about processing the past; it’s also about rewiring your nervous system so you can show up as the parent you want to be, even when your child’s trauma responses trigger your own.

This is exactly the kind of specialized care I provide for adoptive families.

What changes you can expect to experience when we work together:

Fall asleep easily and wake up excited to spend the day with your child — look forward to Saturday morning pancakes and hearing about their dreams, instead of lying awake at 3am with your chest tight from replaying every court hearing and failed placement, already exhausted before the day even begins.

Feel your heart open with genuine warmth when your child walks through the door after school — catch yourself smiling when you hear their backpack hit the floor and rushing to ask about their day, instead of bracing yourself for another meltdown and wondering if you’ll ever feel that natural parent-child connection you dreamed of.

Trust your gut and act decisively when your child needs you most — you’ll know exactly how to respond when they’re melting down in the Target checkout line, calmly redirecting without overthinking it, instead of second-guessing every response while your child's behavior escalates because you're frozen in indecision.

Stand firm with loving boundaries that protect your family’s peace — you'll assertively tell your aunt “we're not discussing that” when she asks intrusive questions about your child's “real parents” at Thanksgiving dinner, instead of dreading every family gathering where you smile through invasive questions while your stomach churns with resentment.

Experience moments of pure joy and connection during the small, ordinary moments that make parenting meaningful — you’ll feel your chest fill with love during bedtime stories, genuinely treasuring the weight of their head on your shoulder, instead of going through the motions of bedtime routines while feeling emotionally distant from the child you desperately want to love.

Rely on your own wisdom and inner strength when challenges arise — you'll take a deep breath and handle a behavioral setback without spiraling, trusting yourself to figure it out in the morning, instead of frantically searching for answers online at 2am because you feel completely lost and alone in situations no parenting book prepared you for.

Feel proud of your unique family story and confident in your parenting choices — you'll share your adoption journey at the playground without shame, owning your path with quiet confidence, instead of carrying shame about your struggles and wondering if other parents judge your family's journey.

Walk into IEP meetings about your child feeling prepared and powerful — you'll arrive with organized notes and advocate clearly for what your child needs, commanding respect from the team, instead of feeling defensive and overwhelmed while professionals question your parenting.

Stay grounded and responsive even during your child’s most triggering moments — you'll stay calm and present when they scream "you're not my real mom," able to hold space for their pain without losing yourself, instead of feeling your own trauma activated every time they have a meltdown which leaves both of you more dysregulated.

Experience the deep satisfaction of building the loving, stable home you always envisioned — you'll catch yourself laughing during a spontaneous dance party in the kitchen, thinking “this is exactly what I wanted,” instead of questioning whether you're failing your child and missing the beautiful family moments happening right in front of you.

How I help my clients become the confident, loving adoptive parent they’ve always wanted to be…

When you're carrying the weight of failed adoptions, worries about emotional connection with your child, and daily parenting struggles that feel too complex for traditional talk therapy, you need approaches that meet you where the pain lives: in your body, your nervous system, and the parts of your brain that don't hold logical explanations.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) recognizes that you have different parts of yourself that are all trying to protect you and your family in different ways. There's the part that stays hyper-aware of your child's safety, the part that grieves the biological connection you don't have, and the part that just wants to enjoy being a parent. Instead of these parts fighting each other and exhausting you, IFS helps them work as a coordinated team.

Brainspotting finds where your stress and painful memories are stored in your brain and helps release them without having to relive every detail. When you think about that moment the birth mother changed her mind or your child's first rage episode, your body tightens up. Brainspotting uses where you naturally look to access those stuck places and let your brain process what it needs to, so those memories stop hijacking your nervous system.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps your brain file away traumatic experiences so they stop feeling like they're happening right now. That court hearing, that failed placement, that moment you realized attachment wasn't going to be automatic - EMDR helps your brain move these experiences from "current emergency" to "difficult thing that happened that I survived."

Somatic Experiencing works with the fact that all that stress, grief, and hypervigilance lives in your body. Your shoulders carry the weight of uncertainty. Your chest holds the fear that you're not enough. Your stomach churns with the grief you can't fully express. This approach helps your nervous system remember how to settle and feel safe again.

Complex Processing Therapy recognizes that adoptive parents face layered challenges that require multiple tools. Like renovating a house that needs electrical work AND plumbing AND structural repair, your healing needs different approaches working together to address the unique combination of grief, hope, fear, and love that defines the adoptive parent experience.

These are methods that fundamentally change how your nervous system responds to stress so you can be the parent you want to be, even in the hardest moments.

Let’s get started.

FAQs for Adoptive Parents

  • I use trauma-focused modalities that work directly with your nervous system and body, not just your thoughts. This includes EMDR, Brainspotting, Somatic Experiencing, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), and Cognitive Processing Therapy. These approaches help you heal adoption-related trauma at a deeper level, which is especially important when your body has been through the stress of the adoption process and is now responding to your child’s dysregulation.

  • No. I work with adoptive parents at every stage, whether you're in the middle of the adoption process, newly home with your child, years into parenting, or even reconsidering your placement.

  • I work with individuals, though your partner is welcome to attend sessions with you. This isn't couples therapy, however; the focus remains on your healing and your experience as an adoptive parent.

  • The first session is an assessment where we'll talk about what brought you here, your adoption story, what you're struggling with most, and what you're hoping will change. This helps me understand your unique situation and recommend the best approach for your healing.

  • I’m a private pay practice at $300 per session. I can provide superbills that you can submit to your insurance company for potential out-of-network reimbursement if your plan includes those benefits. I recommend calling the customer service number on the back of your insurance card to inquire about your out-of-network mental health benefits.

  • Sessions are available in 50-minute, 90-minute, or 4-hour formats depending on what works best for your schedule and healing needs. Most clients meet weekly, though we can adjust frequency based on what you need.

  • It depends on what you're looking for and which approach we use. Some of the modalities I offer, particularly Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), are designed to be short-term, and clients working on specific traumatic memories may feel significant relief within just a few weeks. Other clients prefer to incorporate more talk therapy or work through multiple layers of adoption-related trauma, and they typically work with me for several months. We’ll discuss your goals in our first session and create a timeline that makes sense for what you need.

About Summer

Summer Verhines, LCSW


I provide discreet, results-driven psychotherapy for high-achieving individuals navigating life’s most challenging seasons. With a calm, strategic approach and over a decade of specialized experience, I help you move from stress and uncertainty to clarity, resilience, and renewed purpose—without compromising your privacy or your pace.

I have been a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in California since 2015, holding a bachelor’s degree in psychology (2002) and a master’s degree in social work (2008). Over the years, my work has brought me alongside foster and adoptive parents, executives, caregivers, and seniors—individuals of all ages facing profound transitions and, often, overwhelming responsibilities. I have supported clients through depression, anxiety, grief, symptoms of trauma, and the deep emotional shifts that come with major lifestyle changes.

My specialties include offering nuanced support to adoptive parents, those who have experienced trauma, medical professionals who have experienced trauma, and grief and loss in its many forms. In every engagement, I provide a secure, judgment-free environment where you can explore your thoughts, fears, hopes, and goals with confidence that you are fully heard and understood.

Your time is valuable, and your well-being is essential.

Contact me below.

Contact Summer

sverhines.lcsw@gmail.com
(855) 564-3338

P.O. Box 28
Wilton, CA 95693